The Newtown Massacre

Technically it’s tomorrow, but I’m still hung up on today.

The events of this morning make me feel confessional: I didn’t cry when I heard about all the deaths resulting from the attack on the Twin Towers.  It wasn’t that I wasn’t horrified.  It wasn’t that I wasn’t deeply sad or that I didn’t understand how many people were thrust rudely into mourning that day, because I did.  I felt the weight of that day like most Americans did just as I understood what long term ramifications it stood for and the political abuse it would open doors to.

But I didn’t cry.  Which is no miracle.  I do not cry often.

I didn’t cry over the estimated 100,000 Iraqi civilians killed by American soldiers in our most recent war on in the middle east.  It isn’t because I’m a bigot who doesn’t count Iraqi lives over American ones.  I feel heartbroken over the atmosphere of permissive bigotry against all middle eastern people and the devastating number of them my country is responsible for snuffing out overseas.  I can never right such an egregious wrong.

I didn’t cry when I heard about the C0lumbine massacre though I was pregnant at the time and had the dark thought that this is not a world I should bring a child into.  I grieved with everyone else who felt the clamp of violence twist their heart into something small and dark.

This morning I was happily consumed by the largely philosophical question of labeling people.  I took three hours to compose a post to frame the thoughts intruding on my daily routine.  I enjoy such exercises in thought.  I was interested in furthering someone else’s conversation on this subject.  I blew my paid job off to pursue these avenues of thought.  Thoughts about what makes language useful.  I was on fire with enthusiasm and the importance of communication imagining I had something valuable to contribute to the world.

When I finally finished writing my post I cleaned it up and posted it to facebook.  It took about 60 seconds to take in the posts covering the events so current they were still unfolding but which were already old enough that everyone but me already knew that something dreadful had just happened in Connecticut.  As it seeped into my consciousness I started feeling very small.  Smaller than I’ve felt in a long time.  Who the fuck cares about labeling human beings when 28 of them have just been shot to death and 20 of them were under 11 years old?!  Everything feels so small after that.

I don’t cry often but I cried today.

I cried for all those children and adults who died in Newtown.  I cried for all of the devastated people they left behind.  I cried today in grief for a country that lets this shit keep happening.

But I’m done crying now.

Now I’m blazing angry and ready for action.


  1. Adam Szydel says:

    Hi Angelina!
    You’re 100% right about stringent gun-control. I mean, what was the mother of that deranged kid doing with all those automatic weapons? In the hands of a stable person, a tasser or low calibre 6 shooter should be enough (for the private sector) to defend against intruders. But good luck butting your head against a multi-billion dollar industry!
    However, as usual you’ve failed to do your research on the Mid-East! Did you ever shed a tear over the thousands of Iraquis tortured and murdered by the brutal dictator Sadam? And what about the thousands of innocent civilians massacred in the Lebanese civil war, or the Iraqui-Iran war…and right now, the 40,000 men women and children already murdered by the tyrant in charge of Seria? Sure, 2 wrongs don’t make a right, but more Muslims are musdered every year by fellow Muslims than in all the atrocities committed by the West. By your silence, are we to assume that its OK to massacre your own people?
    And when you stated: “I feel heartbroken over the atmosphere of permissive bigotry against all Mid-Eastern people”—Does that also include Israel? /Stay high, Adam

  2. angelina says:

    Father – I wish you would stop insulting me and assuming that I haven’t done my research just because I don’t happen to share your opinions. My mention of the Iraqi civilians killed is because I am looking at the violence my own country is responsible for. This post is NOT about Middle Eastern problems in the Middle East. It’s not about how I feel about other world events or other horrible crimes committed by other despots. My concern here is with what’s going on in MY country and our crimes against the world as well as our crimes against ourselves. This is not an appropriate place to bring up Sadam Hussein.

    My country’s permissive bigotry is towards Muslims in particular and pretty much all Middle Eastern people that LOOK Arab (whether they are or not). What breaks my heart is that United States citizens who look Middle Eastern are being treated like every one of them is a potential terrorist. There are lots of people who are second or third generation citizens of this country whose origins are Middle Eastern and they are being treated like foreigners who don’t have the same rights as everyone else.

    So don’t bring Israel into this. Israel has nothing to do with this post or my thoughts on gun control in the United States.

  3. Adam Szydel says:

    You brought up the Mid East by throwing Iraqi civilians and Muslims into your soup! But is it any wonder that Americans treat their Muslims like “potential terrorists?” when 95% of these acts have been commited by Islamists (Muslim extremeists)? And it would’nt surprise me that your home grown variety were inspired by these jihadists as well!
    As to INSULTS…probably your biggest barb was comparing the holocaust to the Palestinians. Haven’t you figured out yet that the last thing the Muslim world wants is peace between Israel and her neighbors?…It’s their trump card for our final eradication–and you fell for it! So who’s the bigot now?
    And since you refuse to study your history, or even read the tiny list of books I recommended–which aren’t from a Jewish perspective unless you include the Koran as Mohamed’s take on the Torah–my only solution for you is to drop you and your dog into a Taliban village, where women and dogs aren’t even 2nd class citizens…but no class citizens! It will lend perspective to your endless tirade against America–and also Israel, which is, in fact, the only “rose up the ASSHOLE OF THE WORLD” (the Middle East).
    Be well! and after your sojourn with the Islamists,I’ll be expecting a contrite appology to your fellow Americans as well as all the Jewish people…Till then, GOODBYE!

  4. angelina says:

    I would like to suggest you stop reading my blog since you hate my views and apparently don’t like me much either. Please don’t comment on my blog again. I don’t think we have anything left to gain by remaining in any way connected to each other – while I may have political views that feel like a barb to you I have not attacked you personally. Except to point out that you’re a bigot the last time you commented. That was not said to hurt you – it is a fact that is as obvious to me as it is to others who have read your comments here. You, on the other hand, lash out at me personally nearly every time you comment. Even when you write to compliment me on something (very rare in any case) you can’t seem to do so without simultaneously saying something insulting. Noam is welcome to contact me any time if he wants to, but you and I are done.

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