The age of the introvert has arrived! The proof of this is in my Twitter tribe. You know who you are. I hope. Fuck it. You insecure bastards want me to address you by NAME? Even though it’s 1:59am and I work tomorrow? What a fucking demanding bunch of princesses!
Niko – are you kidding me with your rock star name, your gorgeous spirit, and your openness? If you needed a heart I’d cut mine out of my chest and let you have it. Don’t believe me? TRY ME.
Jennie – seriously? Do ALL Mormons have to sing so beautifully and make me overlook the magic hat? (I have been DYING to say that for pretty much, like, forever). You continue to impress me, surprise me in the best possible ways (I generally hate surprises), I treasure your kindness, your “inspirational” tweet appreciation, and your expert use of the many ways “fuck” can be used to express the human condition make me love you.
Kele – you are such a kind and thoughtful and smart friend – so much fun to hang out with and one of the most non-judgmental people I know. You are the best witch I’ve ever met and I ACTUALLY GOT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU AND IT WAS SO AWESOME!!
Sonya – BEYONCE!!!!!!!! <——- see all that excitement?! Your wild explosively exuberant energy and friendship is so charming, wonderful, and colorful – xoxoxxooxoxoxooxox! If I was broken to pieces I believe you could put me back together just with your sheer will and your illustrations. This parenting of the different kids is tough but I’m so happy I’m not alone in it and I have you to commiserate and share strength with.
Matt – you made yourself necessary to me the moment you put me on your list of twitter people that don’t suck. I deeply appreciate you in spite of your depraved hatred of cloth napkins and your equally depraved love of caped crusaders. There are other reasons I appreciate you. I hope you know what they are. If you don’t, you’ll be pretty weirded out by that statement.
Hayley – lady, you are the sweetest, loveliest, most supportive and huggable person I have ever not met! It would give me supreme pleasure to visit your house, eat your (non-chocolate) cake, drink your tea, and listen to your accent.
Deborah – I promise not to chew on your deliciously adorable son! You are such a beautiful and cool lady, my Twitter BFF! I love seeing the photographs of your life, your family, and I also love hearing about your life. You’ve been working so hard on your book, I can’t wait to get my hands on it! Incidentally, I just tried to remember how to make my computer do the accent on your name and I have run out of time before work so please forgive me! I really do know how your name is correctly spelled.
OH MY GOD: Olivia, Adam, Julie, Debi, Jason, Mark, John N., John F., Doug, Kristine, Erica, Joan, Lisa, Julz, and Marie: all of you make my every day so much better and richer and funnier – we’re like the modern Alqonquin Round Table but BETTER. I hope PBS one day does a documentary on our Twitter Tribe.
I don’t believe in Christmas (what with Santa being a super creepy pervert) but I DO believe in new beginnings and so I hope this year is a fantastic one for each and every one of you. I hope it’s filled with love and good writing. And good food. NO GRAPENUTS. I hope you’re healthy as can be and that your loved ones thrive.
A million kisses and hugs are easy to give all of you through my blog because it involves no real-life awkwardness (I know you’re all used to me being madame super-suave but that’s because you haven’t spent time with me in person) (except Kele who knows the truth now). I just ended this post with two parentheticals in one sentence. There’s got to be some kind of bad writing award for that, right?