VOTE OR BE A DEADBEAT AMERICAN
My ballot has been sealed, my vote is cast.
If anyone is interested in knowing: I didn’t vote for the creepy Brocklehurst-style guy who looks like he carries a branch around with him to smack bad Christians with, I didn’t vote for the evil dude who previously voted against gay marriage, I didn’t vote for anyone who submitted a picture to the pamphlet that is obviously their former county jail mugshot.
I wasn’t very excited to vote this time around. Until I sat down with the ballot and the pamphlet at which point my patriotism surfaced (voting is the only real act of a patriotic person in my opinion – fuck all that killing other people for your country evilness. Voting is waving your flag.) and as it always does, I got pulled into the spirit of voting as I read the pamphlet.
Which, in case no one else is reading the pamphlets, is really funny stuff.
How To Vote:
1. Read the voting pamphlet: both the measures and the candidates
2. If a measure isn’t in plain enough language for you to understand what the hell it’s proposing, vote “no” on it.
3. Read the arguments that oppose your own.
4. Make sure that you read what a candidate’s past voting record has been, there is no better way to know what they’re all about.
5. Read the educational background information on candidates and avoid people who got their “education” at an institute that calls itself an “educational effort” rather than a school.
6. Do not be fooled by photographs of candidates with children. Pedophiles like children too. Just because a candidate is seen milling around a classroom full of first graders doesn’t mean that that candidate will vote according to the best interests of your children.
7. Don’t vote for people who promise to accomplish things outside the realm of the office for which they’re running.
8. Discuss measures with other adults whose opinion you respect to see if they have some different perspective for you consider.
9. No cheating! While this isn’t a test, there is no copying allowed. Spouses need not vote the same way on everything (Philip and I don’t always vote the same way but because we tend to agree on most political things we do often have nearly matching ballots- the main point is that we arrive at those choices through individual thought and mutual discussion)
10. Do draw mustaches and hobo beards on all of the candidate’s faces.
Get the ballot turned in on time!!!!