Tag: sewing

It’s Getting Scary Again

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Right now, this minute, I’m beginning to freak out.  I have a fire lit under my ass because rent is due, water bill is due, and I still have no job.  I also haven’t got my Etsy shop up yet.  Oh my god.  I finally got my new pants made so if I happen to get an interview I can look decent.  I also finally got the pyjama pants sewn and later this week I will process the pictures and finish writing the tutorial.  Then yesterday I cut out 8 linings for market bags and have them sewn up and I have 4 market bag shells sewn up too.  I need to get 4 more shells done so that by the end of this day I can have 8 bags to list in my shop.  My greeting cards should arrive this week too so I’ll have those to list as well.  I’m feeling pretty damn frantic and scared.

This past year of being mostly comfortable financially (being able to pay our bills) has been such a relief.  To find ourselves back in the unsteady position of not knowing how we will pay our bills is distressing.  In spite of my feelings of trepidation I also still feel some hope – that my online stores will bring us what we need – that if they don’t bring us what we need a part time job that pays enough to be worthwhile will materialize.  Truth be told – I’m going to apply for one today.  Chances of getting it are slim but I said I will do what I have to to get us through this and I will.

My scooter died on Sunday night.  It’s still dead.  I can’t afford to fix it.  I don’t really know what’s wrong but I know we can’t afford to pay any money towards it.  Philip is trying to sort it out by doing research and fiddling with it.  And cursing at it.

My father in law is in a temporary nursing home and doing much much better.

My mom is pretty much independent at this point and doesn’t go back to her surgeon for a check up for 6 months.  So she’s doing really well.

My cats have both been caught up on their shots and check-ups and are in excellent health.

My child is an old man.  He keeps complaining of ankle and knee and back problems.  It’s so ridiculous I find I want to yell at him to stop acting like he’s older than me.

On the plus side – Max boldly decided to go with Philip down to Santa Cruz for a friend’s birthday and take part in the big party.  I myself didn’t go because I don’t do big parties.  He went and then had a miserable time ending up crying alone on their porch for 15 minutes before Philip found him and they decided to drive all the way home.  In my bones I knew I’d be seeing them home that night.  Philip and Max ended up having a great time driving back home.  They stopped at the lookout point on the Golden Gate bridge and watched ships passing by and then they got gelato at a cafe in Sausalito.  That he went out of his known comfort zone to be social and go far away to do it was great.

While they were gone I went and got an eye exam.  I’ve been having trouble reading at night and have also noticed my vision become blurrier at distances.  I was certain it was time to get reading glasses.  It turns out that my vision is still so good that though I have a very slight near and far sightedness which is completely expected at this age my prescription is so slight that it’s classified as “optional”.  So I can get glasses if I want, but I don’t really need them as much as I need to read in better light.  I was a little disappointed.  I’ve been looking forward to the right of middle age passage where I get to choose my first pair of glasses.

On the other hand, we can’t really afford for me to wear glasses so it’s just as well.

In spite of the looming financial challenges that face us now, there are lots of things I can be thankful for:

1.  I can still afford plenty of food

2.  I can still, this week, afford my favorite coffee

3.  We have health insurance

4.  I just realized that Max has a dental appointment today and I don’t think we can afford that

5.  Shit.  Wait, but this is the blessings list, not the panic list

6.  There are Sungold tomatoes to pick in the garden today

7.  I have tons of dried navy beans to cook

8.  Philip still has a job

That’s all for now.  It’s straining me to think of good stuff when I have fresh things to panic over.

Larry King is an Apple Doll

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Penny got out last night and when I opened the front door to see if I could call her in I saw her on the sidewalk hanging out with her twin.  The neighbors have a cat with almost the same markings as Penny and it’s spooky and also pretty funny to see them hanging out.  Like, maybe neither of them believed in doppelgangers until that moment.

My father in law is doing much better and is staying at the hospital for observation and a little physical therapy but it seems he’s going to be fine.

I rode my bicycle to Imwalle Gardens yesterday in the heat.  I need the exercise and this summer has been the season of sitting around on my ass waiting for more more bad stuff to happen and wicked strong inertia.  So I rode.  That’s two days in a row of riding my bicycle.  Not long rides at all.  Never the less, when I returned home yesterday I was overheated and collapsed on my bed under the squeaky shaky fan that one day will drop from the ceiling and chop my face off or break my legs, and I fell asleep.

For an hour and a half.  Which really ate into my productivity.  I’m trying so hard to peel my inertia off my bones.  Napping doesn’t help.

Still no reprieve from my nightmares.

I need glasses pretty bad now for reading and, you know, focusing on things.  Somehow I still haven’t made the appointment.  Which is stupid because it’s not like I don’t want to get glasses, I actually look forward to having them so I can see better.

Larry King freaks me out.  I can’t stand listening to him.  He’s such a complete tedious BORE.  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  But also his mouth is weird and he looks like a dried apple doll.  The kind that come to life when you’re sleeping and come at you with murderous weapons.  I never watch him – until yesterday.  I was lured into watching him so I could see Bill Hader in an interview.  Big mistake.  Hader is awesome but nothing and no one can make watching King less uncomfortable.  King likes to name-drop his famous friends which is lame.

Okay – I’m off to shower and then sew.

Have a great Thursday!

Sunday Chatter

In four days I’m going to get on an airplane and have a solo adventure.  If we get to keep our house, this may be the last time I go on a vacation until two or three years into my novel writing career when some royalty checks make their way to me.  (Like how I am visualizing the life I want rather than cowering under the weight of a parade of “if”s?)  So, no pressure to self, but I sure as hell better enjoy myself.  I have a plan: I’m going to eat only Mexican, Middle-eastern, and Chinese food while I’m down there.  Maybe some Greek thrown in.  I don’t eat Chinese food in Oregon.  There is no Greek food here in McMinnville nor is there a Middle-eastern restaurant in sight.  I know Portland is said to have some great Chinese and Mexican restaurants but the Mexican ones have been (at best) just decent.  I had a good burrito there with a friend but not what I’m used to.  NOT what I crave.  To offset the horrible commitment to caloric hell I will eat yogurt and fresh fruit for breakfast every day and WALK WALK WALK.

I did not lose weight.  I mean, I lost 7 lbs and then I’m pretty sure I gained it back.  I’m not even willing to check.  My stress management has been crap this summer.  I was exercising a lot but then my back went out and I ate a lot of fattening food.  Dammit.  When I come back we will be in a two and a half week count down to the beginning of the school year and my plan is to kick off with a brand fresh effort at cleaning up my health all over again.  Max has decided to quit taking Kung Fu and so for now we have a little extra available money and I’m going to rejoin the regular Kung Fu classes while still taking forms.  If push comes to shove (and when doesn’t it in my life?) I will drop the classes again and stick with forms for the long term.  But for as long as I can I’m going to do both.  That’s three and a half hour’s worth of Kung Fu classes a week and I get PUSHED in those classes more than I can ever push myself at home so that will be an incredible boost of exercise.  Then I’ll have to practice.  I am NOT going to worry about practicing the material from the regular classes as much as the forms.

I just hope I won’t hurt myself much.  That constantly sends me backwards.  I know I will get where I want and need to get but I also know it isn’t going to happen even remotely as fast as I’d like it too.  I think it’s important for me to remember that I’ve kept off the top 15 pounds of my heaviest ever weight for over a year.  That’s definitely something.

Meanwhile… my ten year old has been letting loose with the teenage attitude lately and it’s been beyond annoying and tiring what with having to constantly reaffirm his boundaries.  Nine was such a sweeter year for him.  He’s so contrary and combative I really want to duct tape his mouth shut most of the day.  The only problem with that is that then I’d miss the really funny things he says in between making me want to head butt him.  It’s also a little weird that just when he’s becoming so horrid with the button pushing he also starts being more routinely helpful.  We don’t ask much of him.  This isn’t because I don’t believe children should be lazy asses.  It’s because trying to get a kid like him to help out is nearly always twice as much work for me as when I just do it myself.  He has to be closely supervised.  Usually.  Suddenly though he’s volunteering to feed the dog.  I mean he’s randomly piping up with “Has Chick been fed yet?” I say no and he goes and does it.  I say yes and he expresses disappointment.  I don’t get it.  I asked him if he’d get me more coffee yesterday morning and he did.  I ask him to go get something from the freezer outside and he does it.  So I’m wondering if this is a self defense mechanism in him- an instinctual counterpoint to the attitude so that just when I want to lock him in his room he does something completely helpful without the least bit of argument making me happy.  I don’t know.  I do know that this year has been one of the most challenging of them all as a parent.

I also can’t wait for the school year to begin again.  I have only one month to wait.  Once again I will have to say that it isn’t my goal to get rid of my child but he is so much healthier with all the structure of the school year.  Something I can’t give him in the summer.  I WORK quite a few hours of the day and don’t have time to go adventuring or managing his activities.  He loathes summer camp so we didn’t make him go this year.  His attitude is usually much better when his activities are directed all day long.

Time to go get another cup of coffee and find something to watch while sewing.  I don’t listen to music while sewing, as most people who know me know.  I like to watch familiar movies and programs.  I need the visual relief, something to rest my eyes on that isn’t my project.  Not sure what I’ll watch but I must figure it out before the heat paralyzes all of my grey cells.