Look at these beautiful peach blossoms.  Interesting that the blossoms are so bright but the actual peaches themselves are white.  What a bright and happy spring sight.

They do not reflect my current mood.

My aunt has told us she wants to sell the house.  I am not at liberty to share any information about this situation until it is resolved but you who know us and our situation well know what this means for us.

This news came the day after Nadia’s death.

Our car is still dead.  It might be fixed tomorrow.  To the tune of $400 smack-a-roos.  It’s a piece of shit car but we can’t afford to buy a non-piece of shit car so we just have to drag it along a little further with its cracked front window, the side window that is held up by packing tape reapplied every couple of months (classy!!),  the door that won’t unlock, the back door that won’t stay up, the brake light that comes on intermittently for no apparent brake-related reason, and whatever else is broken that we simply haven’t discovered yet.

I do thank it for getting us back to California.  That was a big job for a lemon to perform.

With the house situation up in the air all garden projects must be put on hold.

If I was a person of religious faith I would have lost it completely by now.  So it’s good that I never had any to begin with.

Easter was like a piece of sandpaper rubbing against my eyeballs yesterday.  All that HYPER CHEERFULNESS coming out of everyone on facebook and online and the cashier at Safeway to whom I was surly, informing her that I do not celebrate it.  Everyone flaunting their candy and egg hunts and the Jesus messages blaring and the weird-ass worship of dead men rising from tombs after being brutally killed and all these people SO HAPPY ABOUT IT.

HAPPY EASTER!!!!

Easter hysteria deluged me until my head hurt with all that boisterous Jesus-and-secular-crapfestival of plush and plastic and irritating CHEER.  I’m so happy it’s over.  Fuck Easter.

On the other hand, some tomb real estate opened up yesterday and all I wanted all day was to crawl into the quiet living room of the dead.

I am becoming increasingly irritated by people referring to the United States as a “Christian” country.  I am sick to death of hearing people suggest that being American and being Christian are the same thing or that being patriotic is something only Christians can be.  The United States of America is a country to which I belong without regard to my religious faith or lack of it.  One of the only things that makes the US special in any way is its supposed “freedom of religion” which means that no single religion or cult can claim to be more “American” than another.  It is not more patriotic to be Christian than it is to be Jewish or Muslim or even Mormon.  No one religion defines this country, even if Christianity remains the majority religion in the states.  Being patriotic is to love and support your country (NOT “under god”) and your fellow countrymen and your collective culture.  Being religious is to believe in a deity to which you attribute fortune and misfortune, and follow rules and ethics for living your life according to how they are laid out by your religious leaders.  This has nothing at all to do with patriotism.  You may be religious AND patriotic but you can also be religious but not patriotic as well as not religious and patriotic or not religious and not patriotic.

It’s not that hard.

When Christians call this country we share a “Christian” country they are expressing wishful thinking, not reality.  And if Jesus was really in charge he would, I’m convinced, point out that it isn’t necessary for your faith to put its designer labels on the country you have to share with others.

I can’t help but notice that a lot of Christians do not behave in the way Jesus suggested everyone behave.  I don’t think Jesus will love you more for saying his name in praise twice as often as your neighbor.  I think what Jesus cares about is how you behave.  I think he cares about your actions not your words.

In other words: show him, don’t tell him.

And if you really want to interest non-Christians in your faith, or at any rate, to respect you?  Same philosophy.  Show us how Jesus has made you be kind and respectful of whores and beggars.  Show us how you turn the other cheek rather than to violence to get your way or make your point.  SHOW us how your faith constantly inspires you to be thoughtful and spiritual and tough and willing to feel and take pain for others and FROM others.  Show us how you help people in need who aren’t YOU.  So far from being a “boot-strapper” Jesus was all about helping others to heal, to be fed, and to take stonings for other people or at least protect others from violence.  He was all about others.  So stop yapping so hard about “HAIL JESUS” and “I LOVE JESUS SO MUCH BECAUSE EVEN IF I’M AN ASSHOLE HE’LL FORGIVE ME!” and “EVERYTHING I DO IS FOR THE GLORY OFJESUS!”

Ugh.  Really?  You don’t have sex just a little bit for your own pleasure?  I’m sure that when Jesus had sex he didn’t think of you when he was doing it and I’m guessing that unless he was a bit of a pervert he doesn’t want you thinking of him while you do it either.

How about you demonstrate your awesome ability to FORGIVE.  Cause as a group Christians are falling real short on this one in the world.

I, for one, could use some inspiration in the forgiveness department.  Show me how you find the strength of character to forgive people for hurting you or yours even when they don’t care at all how they treat you.  Show me, because right now I have some bitterness I know I need to replace with forgiveness.

I believe in forgiveness because I think it’s the only way to evolve, keep peace, shed negativity, and have room for light inside.  I appreciate that there was supposedly a dude way back when who spread this message but I learned about forgiveness through human example.  I need to see some more examples of humans forgiving each other right now.

And please don’t tell me that  you only forgive because Jesus expects you to.  Reassure me that you do it not because you want to impress Jesus but because you heard his words and recognized the good sense in them and so you followed them like a thinking human being.

I know Christians who are thinking human beings, who follow their faith not for pats on the head but because they hear something honest and true in the rules of behavior and rules for living that their faith espouses.  And these Christians I know are people who I respect even though I do not share their faith.  I want to see more Christians like them.

If you only forgive to get praise then you’re not forgiving from your heart.

I mean, Jesus didn’t forgive all of you to impress his “father”, did he?  He did it out of love, right?  I guess.  Cause if he only did it to impress his father then I don’t think his heart was in the right place.

I don’t ever wake up with a religious rant on my schedule.  This one was brought to you by extreme Easter irritation exacerbated by my own foul mood.  Next year I will take a little vacation from all human beings on Easter to spare myself to awful clamor.