Tag: my very bad depression

I Save Money Being My Own Freak Show

Don’t you want to turn that big red wheel and see what happens?  It’s practically screaming to be opened.  I found it very challenging to leave it alone.  Especially because there was one on each landing of this parking garage staircase.  Red is such a challenge: push me!  Pull me!  Touch me!  Gore me!!

I’ve been to Portland twice in seven days.  That’s an unusual treat.  A friend of mine is going to be in Portland next week and I’m trapped here in town.  My mom is not supposed to be driving much and her vertigo has gotten worse so I can’t ask her to take me in.  I hate this feeling.  I may just have to take the damn bus in.  I think it leaves at 6:30am.  And comes back at 6:30pm.  I haven’t checked the bus schedule since I moved here six years ago so maybe it’s improved?

I just spent a half an hour freaking myself out looking stuff up on medical sites about skin diseases.  I already know I have eczema (on my feet too) plus seborrheic dermatitis (diagnosed many years ago) plus the recurring fungal situation that I got at the same time as the impetigo and I can never forget that I easily get athlete’s foot when I don’t change my shoes frequently.  This thing on my face that my doctor said was probably “adult acne” refuses to go away.  I need her to look at it again.  I’ve tried using a blend of natural oils including tea tree oil and aloe and that did nothing.  I put it on several times a day for a few weeks.  I also tried using a comfrey salve for a while.  That definitely didn’t improve things.  I’ve used the fungal cream I have for the corner of my mouth but while the steroid part of that reduces the redness it has not gotten rid of this.

I’m so tired of looking like something big that crawled out from under a rock.

I’m also going to say something shocking: I’m tired of the constant stormy weather.  I need to get out and get some exercise but I it’s been so wet I can’t get outside.  I can’t walk any distance in my wellies (it would destroy my feet) and I hate shoes that are squishy with water.   I love stormy weather and I love rain but usually we get a lot more breaks in the rain so I can sneak out for a bit.  It’s been relentless.  I’m getting stir crazy.

It’s at times like these when I wish I could still afford to belong to the gym.

On the bright side, I’ve been having the best breakfasts ever this week.  I got some olives at Trader Joe’s on Tuesday and so for the last three mornings I’ve been having scrambled eggs with spinach, olives, and topped with some sour cream and Sriracha hot sauce.  So good.  Before the olives I had some mushrooms to eat with the spinach and eggs.  I can’t get enough spinach or mushrooms these days.  Or eggs.

Other good things:

Bright socks covered in flowers that a friend gave me.

The Criminal Minds marathon the movie rental place made possible.

Derek Morgan.  Cause, you know.

Penelope Garcia.  Cause, seriously, great character that I didn’t love at first.

It’s not summer, that’s always a good thing.

Blossoming fruit trees.

Daffodils.

Apartment Gardens in Portland  They make me happy every time I see them.