Note: I didn’t really care about the wedding. I am not royal family obsessed. However, as people all around me were discussing the event I remembered back when I really did care about princesses (and naively thought it would be the best thing in the world to be) and I wanted to see Princess Diana get married. I missed some of it because my mom made me go to bed at a reasonable hour, which wasn’t hard to make me do because I was sick. I had a fever. At some point in the wee hours I woke up and came downstairs and watched Prince Charles marry Diana. But I don’t remember much about it and I started thinking about how cool it would be to watch with the jaundiced eye of adult perspective. So in spite of not really caring, I managed to haul my ass out of bed to watch and I’m not sorry I did.
3 am: It is wholly worth the ridiculous hour to listen to the choir at Westminster Abbey. I had no idea that Westminster Abbey was so huge it had trees inside. Prince Harry is looking dapper and mischievious. Elton John doesn’t look like he knows the words to the church song, it’s kind of charming. I am happy that Kate used Steve McQueen’s design label for her dress. This wedding speech… I didn’t know that priests actually do this, the whole ennumeration of the points covering why two people might enter into the marriage state and in what attitude they ought to approach it. Oh my god, I can’t believe the whole “dreadful hell” bit and wouldn’t that have been insane if someone had objected?!
Seriously LOVE the priests outfit. That hat is to die for.
Oh do, let us pray! Well, I’ll abstain out of respect for the believers.
It’s quite dramatic, that “He whom God has brought together let no man kill cajole or rend assunder… or whatever”, I’d be scared to have affairs after that. I’m surprised that – wait, no, not going to chastise Prince Charles, I think there’s been enough of that in the past.
Kate’s brother is fierce. I would hate to go against anything he said. Let me listen more closely to this reading… oh yes, “associate with the lowly” I do that, wait, I AM THE LOWLY! This is good solid stuff, actually. I try not to be haughty, I don’t know how hard this is for people of Royal descent, but it’s a good thing.
3:31 am: If I ever get married again I’m definitely going to do it in Westminster Abbey with the choir in attendance. I would like to applaud Kate for not swathing her bridesmaid (is there really only one?) in hideousness. Her dress is quite elegant.
3:36: I find it charming that the Queen is wearing gloves. Wait, must see if most others are too. No, just the Queen.
3:40 am: The singing of the Motet. This is gorgeous.
3:44 am: The crazy noise that I heard as Kate was entering the Abbey was really creepy and if I had been there in the Abbey I would have had a panic attack.
3:48 am: Jerusalem. I love this song even though the words are kind of creepy. I love that the crowds are singing it too.
3:55 am: I’m relieved that the Fox News commentators kept their mouths shut during all of that. I’m surprised. It’s my plan to go back to sleep when this is over but I’m tempted to make that pot of coffee I’d primed in case I miraculously woke up in time to see this ceremony. I set the alarm even but it turned out there was not need. Philip’s snoring woke me 3 minutes ahead of time. I just turned the pot on. But now I’m realizing that this commits me to brushing my teeth because I never drink coffee in the morning over bad morning breath. I wasn’t planning on brushing my teeth. It’s unseemly to do so at 4am.
4:01 am: I thank Britain for single-handedly keeping the tradition of hat wearing alive. There are some breathtaking hats in the crowd. My mind keeps catching on those trees in the Abbey. I’m sure they’re potted and all but it’s just not what I expect in a church. You know, Prince William may not be my cup of tea but he’s got a pretty great nose. It’s pretty magnificent that 2,000 people can fit in the Abbey.
4:07am: If any British rebels were to stage a coup, now would be the moment. Probably fifteen minutes ago would have been a better moment, but soon it will be too late. Oh! That horrid noise is all the discordant wild bell ringing and how it sounds being tape recorded. I wish I was in the crowds right now. Okay, he’s looking pretty dashing. I think it’s horrid that the commentator just said “Here’s history repeating itself” No, Mr. Commentator, I don’t think that melange of bells makes a beautiful sound.
4:18am: I love all the horses, I’m completely transfixed. I love the guards too. The lines and lines of guards. You know, people can say what negative things they like about the royal family, but they’re living history, a legacy that extends hundreds of years into the past of Britain and though their tangible use as leaders may now be largely diminished, they represent tradition and the past. I’m not so eloquent at 4:25am. What I love is that they’re still going through the streets of London in horse drawn carriages.
I’m no Royal family toad-eater. I just see the point of not cutting their heads off. I enjoy seeing all the pageantry.
The pink cowboy hats trimmed in maribou should be crushed and burned.
4:35am: I am waiting to see them come out on the balcony and then I have to try to go to sleep. There are no obese people at this wedding. More horses! I love them. I have to say that I dislike those really big furry rounded hats that some of the palace guards wear.
I LOVE the guards in traditional uniform carrying sub-machine guns!! That is a real meshing of antiquity and modernity. Fox news discussing the souvenirs makes them seem like complete idiots. Was an explanation of what tea towels are really necessary? I want to pet the horses but not the news anchors.
5:01 am: Still waiting for the balcony appearance before going to sleep. I’m not sorry I woke up for this. Dang, they just said it was about 25 minutes from now. Really? I have to listen to Fox commentators for that much longer? (They’re really chatty now. I would watch it elsewhere but I’m on my laptop and Fox coverage is what Hulu has.) I love how well behaved the British public is.
5:12 am: Oh for crying out loud, would everyone stop talking about the goddamn kiss? What if the couple refused to kiss for everyone? Now they’ve talked the kiss to death it’s going to be a let down. I have the last cup of coffee until bed time. I’m getting bored but su- whoops- was distracted by all the talk about Camilla Parker Bowles. I thought she wasn’t allowed to be queen when Charles becomes King, the way that the Duke of Edinburgh is merely a Consort, but I was wrong. She will become queen.
5:22 am: It’s almost over. Waiting for the final flourish. That castle must be a bitch to clean. Ha- saw a curtain twitch- Well there you have it. Done deal. Sealed and delivered. I wish them well.
I’m off to bed now but before I do, I have a duty to perform which is to give you all a message from Max: He would like you all to know that while he enjoyed posing in a tiara for his mom just to be funny, he doesn’t, in fact, wear one all the time. His exact words were “Tell them I don’t do this often.”
And now… goodnight.