Tics of my brain (lines that my brain says over and over again for no apparent reason):
“Life is not life when it alters with alteration” (Bastardized Shakespeare line that has been continuously running around in my head for two years. It’s also not true, obviously. Life IS life when it alters with alteration. It’s love that doesn’t do that – if it’s real. Supposedly.)
“I’m not gonna lie to you” (why does my brain like saying this so much? This has been on random repeat for months now and every time hear it in my head I respond by saying to myself – in my own head- “People who say this are about to lie to you”)
“You know what I’m not? I’m not ferklempt” (Even though I know it’s “verklempt” and why won’t my brain stop saying this?)
My brain is saying these lines at the same time it’s thinking, working, engaging, or I’m actually talking to people. It’s like constant background chatter and it annoys me. I can’t shut it down. There are other lines it has on repeat but these are the three it says the most.
I would like my brain to shut up. I would like complete quiet in there once in a while. This is one of the main reasons I find it impossible to meditate. People say – just empty your mind –
I’m afraid the off-switch is death* and I’m hoping to stick around a while longer.
*I suspect that higher doses of my meds might help but I won’t take more unless I can lose weight first. I’d rather have crazy voices in my head than increase my meds and have my body respond by getting bigger again.