I have 20 days of sobriety left. I have lost 26lbs in 70 days. I have 87lbs left to lose. If I lose 10lbs a month for the rest of the year I will have lost over 100lbs in one year. I intend to try to do it. I am aware of all the wisdom of setting realistic goals and taking things gradually. I am also aware that losing 10lbs a month will get harder and harder every month. The last 20lbs will probably be as hard as the first 20lbs to lose. Just because something is hard doesn’t make it impossible. If I end up only losing half of my complete weight loss goal in a year I’ll feel like a success.
I feel like a success right now. Today.
But the thought of ending this year over 100lbs lighter than I started it is powerful. To feel that much more in control of my body, my health, and my self esteem is well worth the effort to push myself hard.
What do I have to do to get there?
- For starters, in 20 days when I allow myself to drink alcohol again I need to account for every drink and keep it within healthy bounds. I have the inspiration now and I’ve been building will power and this will be a test. I want my body back and I want to stay home to write and garden and cook – which I can’t do if I spend a lot of money on alcohol.
- More whole foods. I eat a diet with a good amount of produce but I can absolutely increase it. I’ve been eating a lot more fruit lately. Having more meals that consist of steamed vegetables and rice or couscous is an easy thing to do. Less cheese, obviously.
- Pretty soon I’m going to have to pay attention to and count how many cups of black tea with cream and sugar I consume. I will have to consume less. I better start developing a taste for mineral water with a splash of unsweetened cranberry juice again.
- Exercise. I quit the YMCA. I have zero desire to be in a gym. I like being mobile and I like my exercise to be accomplishing something or giving pleasure. This is why I love walking (I’m a really fast walker) because I can look at people’s gardens and homes and a million rich details that feed my imagination and my creativity. I don’t love riding my bicycle for endurance or racing or any athletic prowess. I also don’t particularly love tooling around on it. I like running errands on it. I used to love riding it down to the Saturday Market in McMinnville to get my weekly produce. I liked riding it to Kung Fu and to Winco and other grocery stores. I like my bicycle riding to help me accomplish other errands. I want to do more of that. And gardening. There is much yard work to do around here and often a couple of hours of gardening is enough to wear you out like a good jog.
Here’s something for me to be excited about: even if I don’t lose a hundred pounds this year – if I can just lose 60lbs I will be able to wear more regular clothes and dress more in my own style. This would do absolute wonders for my self esteem and my motivation to keep going. It’s been so long since I have been able to wear any clothes I didn’t make myself* and it’s been ages since I could wear anything but knits for comfort. I CAN’T WAIT TO WEAR SOME REGULAR CLOTHES.
*I make better clothes than I can generally buy (at any weight) and I do have some nice things I’ve made that I’ll be able to wear again once I get myself down to a normal weight but I’m tired of having to make my own clothes because nothing fits well off the rack that isn’t garishly splashed with bright swirly colors and plastered with rhinestones and beads and glitter. Not all fat girls want to look like a tacky drag queen.