Tag: fashion sets

What to Wear While Making Bread

What to Wear While Making Bread


The single biggest mistake people make while baking bread is to offend the yeast by wearing sweats or other ratty clothes signifying a level of disrespect not worthy of bread. It is vital that you dress as though you give a shit and this means:
Wear underwear
Long black skirts – the more like something your Grandma wore as a girl in the old country the better.
Colorful cheerful (but not insipid) top.
Chandelier earrings because baking bread is better than going to the prom.
Headscarf – because your hair should never touch your dough and you should look charming holding it back.
Make up – even if it’s just a little lip gloss and cheek pinching – look like you’re about to meet up with a lover who doesn’t wear white tube socks.
Lastly, and most importantly, you must serenade the yeast for best results. Ideally you will play songs on an accordion while the yeast is proofing. If you don’t have your own accordion or your skill with music is abysmal – play old songs on your 78 record player until your bread is in the oven.

What to Wear to Beg the Power Company to Not Turn Off Your Power

What to Wear to Beg The Power Company Not To Turn Off Your Power


It is devastating when the power company comes to turn off your power in the middle of winter just because you’re a “little” behind on payments. It is important to take care how you dress if you plan to plead with them while standing in your driveway. The most important thing is that you need to look cold. This will appeal to the mercy of the shut-off man.

To look cold it is recommended that you still be in your sleepwear. You want to avoid looking slatternly while still being under-dressed for the cold. The general look is one of haste and surprise (because otherwise you’d just look stupid standing around outside in your flip flops when snow has been predicted). Your shivering will make the power guy very uncomfortable. (Suppressing a few sobs is also effective but more difficult to achieve.)

Fingerless gloves are Dickensian and appropriate whenever one wants to look like they can’t afford a whole pair of gloves or to imply that one has worn through the fingers with hard work. Very effective for looking pathetic.

Lastly, it is recommended that your choice of jewelry be fresh and young implying a certain level of innocence which will enhance the shut-off guy’s guilt in turning off your power. He will probably still turn it off, but at least you will have succeeded in ruining his day.