Here’s a picture of my cat and my feet all over the couch. Also, the principle behind my official guideline on “basic good manners” is inspired by my friend Debi who summed up good manners today as “don’t be a dick”. That’s pretty much the crux of having basic good manners.
Today I heard it suggested that putting your feet up on furniture, whether in someone else’s house or your own, is bad manners and that people who put their feet on any furniture have not been brought up well. It was also implied that I, uncouth Angelina, might not be capable of learning or comprehending “basic good manners”. This was all said by a person I have considered a friend for years. This is not the kind of shit you say to someone you like or respect in any way shape or form. Which is interesting because it is often thought that having good manners is a sign of being a respectful person.
At least, I guess it is in some circles, but it’s my opinion that the use of proper silverware, where you put your feet, whose hands you shake or don’t shake, whether you keep your hat on inside or not has nothing to do with real respect for others. It’s all a superficial social agreement that groups of people come to about what the “proper” way to behave is. Most of it is total bullshit. What you consider to be “basic good manners” is likely to be heavily dictated by regional, socioeconomic backgrounds, cultural, and even generational influence. So be careful how you throw your judgement around at people for having different ideas of what “basic good manners” are, you might actually be acting like a boner-fied* dick.
Angelina’s Guide to “Basic Good Manners”:
Fuck “basic good manners”. The most important thing you can do is treat everyone with kindness, respect, and generosity of spirit. This transcends “proper” social mores every damn time. What’s considered “proper” or “good” manners varies wildly depending on many factors, so large groups of people are always going to disagree on what this even means. Be kind, be respectful, and show generosity of spirit.
It boils down to not being a dick.
If you’re in the company of really religious people, try to be mindful and not swear like a motherfucker or talk about what a great drinking companion Jesus would have been, unless you know them to be cool with that kind of humor.
If you’re a really religious person in the company of an atheist, try to be mindful and not preach or expect them to not talk about what a great drinking companion Jesus would have been.
Don’t be a dick.
If your family is super casual and really likes to be comfortable and put their feet up on the furniture, invite your guests to do the same.
If you’re at someone else’s house, don’t put your feet up on the furniture if it’s all fancy and couches are white and uptight or if no one else is putting their feet on anything but the floor.
Don’t be a dick.
If you don’t know anything about using special forks or eating with a knife**, don’t worry about it if you find yourself in a fancy house where people like cleaning multiple utensils per person per meal, you’ll probably just do it wrong anyway.
If you are a family that uses many special utensils per person per meal and have a guest that eats with you but only uses a fork of one size for ALL THE DAMN DISHES, just be thankful you’ll have fewer dishes to wash and don’t look down on your guest for not being raised in a multi-sized-fork household.
DON’T BE A GODDAMN DICK.
*I did that on purpose.
**I was raised as a vegetarian – I don’t eat anything that needs to be sawn through, geez, give me a break!