This is my first fry project.  It has nothing to do with books.  I almost caught the oil on fire.

I’ve been taking a little break from the novel to work on a few blurb projects for Christmas presents.  I made a little book of all our pets for Max.  I know that he’ll treasure it because I scanned all the good pictures of Ozark that I could find and of the babies (Pippa and Penny) and Chick and the Chickens.  I also included a little section for all the insects and other creatures we’ve run into in our daily lives like the Praying Mantis that we found in our kitchen.  I also finally made a scrapbook of my trip to Scotland to see my dad get married.

There’s a third project I’ve been working on.  I put together a book of “wisdom” and observations with some of my very best photos called “Straight from the Jugular”.  This one I will put in the Blurb  book store so people can buy it if they like.  It’s like Dustpan Alley Lite.  I am a magpie of words and thoughts and this is the nest I’ve built with them.  It is filled with gems like this:

“Doing laundry is like taking a summer vacation in a food processing plant.”

“It doesn’t matter why you missed the bus, it doesn’t matter what might have happened if you hadn’t missed the bus.  You missed the bus.  It’s not coming back.  The best thing you can do is wait for the next one and when you catch it, enjoy the ride.”

“Invitations to grow my penis are always so tempting, and yet I still hold back.”

The subtitle I have now is “Wisdom, with more swearing” but there are surprisingly few swear words in this little book.  This book is full of things to think about, common sense, truth, ideas, observations, and some very good advice like this:

“If you and someone else exchange terribly mean words and only one of you apologizes for it:  make sure you’re the one who apologizes.”

As soon as I can come up with a good subtitle and a succinct description of this book I can proof it and offer it up for sale.  Not that I’m going to ask you to buy a copy (it’s expensive to get these printed and so selling Blurb books is a lot like selling any books: you need a magnifying glass to see the profit margin if you’re the author) but I want this to be available.  Writers have a hunger to publish.  I’m going to go the traditional route for Cricket and Grey.  I don’t think I want to self publish my novel but this little project is something I wanted to do for myself and for anyone who misses me and the headaches I give you with all the heavy thoughts I bring to this magic world.

So here are some possible subtitles (this is just a brainstorm):

• Wisdom, with More Swear Words

• The Bloody Truth, Common sense, and How Much Laundry Sucks

• Still coming up with reasons not to jump after 40 years

• Observations and Advice from a Happily Unsuccessful Suicide

Oh well.  I am dry.  I am stalled.  I’m very happy with this little book and yet I can’t even come up with an adequate subtitle or description.

It’s the little book of meditations for people who don’t float on levitational joy.

It’s the book of meditations for people who think meditation is stupid.

It’s support, thoughts, and advice to enjoy when no one else will tell it like it is. (very subjective, of course)

(I am going to end this post gracefully now, without yelling, screaming, or pounding the walls in frustration.  Shhhhhh.  I’m leaving the room now.)