Tag: big joke

Simple Mothering©

I don’t know what all the fuss is about, if you follow a few simple steps, kids practically raise themselves.

People ask me all the time “Wow, Angelina, you’re such a great mother.  Can you tell me your secrets to Simple Mothering©?”  Today, in honor of Mother’s Day, I will share a few of my secrets to Simple Mothering© free of charge!

  1. I feed my child EVERY SINGLE DAY.
  2. I only hit him when he’s really annoying and NEVER out of anger.
  3. I never neglect him when I don’t have something better to do.
  4. I let him speak his mind whenever I’m in the mood to listen.
  5. I only give him certified 100% recycled plastic straws for toys.*
  6. If there’s only one cupcake left I will always eat it myself, teaching him discipline.
  7. We avoid all schooling.**
  8. I never raise my voice to my child, unless he’s not listening.
  9. I only use restraints for his own safety.
  10. I only give in to his wishes when he no longer cares, this prevents a sense of entitlement in him and saves me tons of energy and money.

It’s all well and good to share these easy Simple Mothering© techniques with you, but it’s meaningless unless you can hear for yourself how successful I am, and what better way to demonstrate this to you than to let my son tell you, in his own words, what makes me a great mother:

“I love my mother because she never makes the restraints too tight.  I can get out whenever I want, if she’s in the mood and doesn’t have any guests over.”

AND

“My favorite thing about my mom’s Simple Mothering© method is that I know exactly what starving kids in China feel like, so my mom never has to give me boring lectures about finishing my daily meal.”

And if that doesn’t convince you, there’s more!

“My favorite thing to do is pretend that my straws are Legos and Bionicles.  It keeps me happy for hours and I almost never get them stuck on my tongue or up my nose.”

So stop making such a fuss over mothering and follow my Simple Mothering© method today, contact me for price and details!

*They’re CHEAP, they’re more or less safe, and I believe that kids should be put in a situation where ALL their play is forcibly creative and none of their ideas are supplied by overly-designed products or crafts that may inadvertently or intentionally turn children into crappy human beings.

**We simply got tired of all the arguments for and against every method of schooling out there, including the allways fascinating “un-schooling” which sounds a lot like our method of avoiding school but is actually a very rigidly undirected method of education that I find much too stringent.  If you’re tired of all the parents bitterly arguing about how to properly educate children, simply don’t educate them at all!  It saves time, it gives them plenty of room to decide for themselves what level of achievement is right for them, and best of all, you don’t have to argue with ANYONE!

Disclosure:  Results may vary.


Here is what Max really says about why he likes me for a mother:

“You’re not overly careless, but not overly strict.  You’re not all yell-y when your kid does something wrong.  You’re smooth-going.  You don’t pressure your kid, you know, to do a certain job.”

Well, no one, NO ONE, besides my kid has EVER called me smooth-going.  I must be doing something right with him!