There comes a time in everyone’s life when you have to get medieval on corporate ears to be heard, when you have to stand up and shout at the top of your lungs to get services you’re paying for but aren’t receiving, and when you will have to be an automated telephone system’s worst nightmare.

And you need to be ready for that day.

Get some armor to protect your vital organs from corporate whiplash.

Wear the biggest baddest pair of keister-kicking boots you can get your feet into.

While tiny cooter-revealing skirts or skintight pants might make you feel like a superstar they will not impress your healthcare provider. Command respect in a floor length voluminous skirt – the kind you can hide weapons in.

Hide weapons in it.

Add polish to your look with a neat and trim capelet, studded cuffs (for a most tough appearance), and acorn earrings to summon the courage and power to deflect lightening.

Go forth and irritate the hell out of your health care provider until you wear them completely down, and they take care of you the way they promised they would when they lined their offices with your paychecks.