Skip to content
- I finished writing my novel.
- I got Max back on health insurance (effective Jan. 1, 2012).
- I got Max back to the Psychologist and on anti-anxiety meds.
- I got Max into a new school.
- We got approved for the HAMP trial period.
- Quit regular Kung Fu classes and started taking forms.
- Got to go to Blogher 2011.
- Max had the worst year ever in school until he was transferred.
- Max started self harming. All dreams of his mental issues being minor are over forever.
- Had to start him on anxiety meds. (You observe how this is both on the bad and the good list?)
- There is no change in our income but growing pressures upon it.
- I was depressed most of the year. I refuse to up my meds for fear of them adding to the Paxil weight.
- My anxiety has also been through the roof all year.
- I never have enough time alone.
- I have not found enough self discipline in myself to over-ride the anxiety and depression to do the things I must do to lose more weight. Consequently, still hate my body and it becomes a vicious cycle in which the hate I feel for my body depresses me and makes me even more prone to doing the very things that make it worse.
- Really lonely. I assuage the loneliness to a certain degree with my online life but it is a mere band-aid. Constantly feeling isolated. My personality exaggerates this feeling.
- The absolute certainty that I must get Max on ADD meds if I want him to not only survive the next few years without becoming a drug addict, but if I want him to grow and learn in school.
- Constant nagging feeling that I have cancer in my body. The physical hell I’ve been in for years increases my unease. If I have cancer, I will have to let it do its thing. Can’t afford to be sick like that.
- Self loathing stronger than it’s been in years.
- Asking for too much in-put on my writing from non-writers resulting in writing paralysis.
- Sleep as bad as when I was a teen. Bad sleep all year. With and without beer. Regardless of how tired I am, how late or early I go to bed. With it the worst run of nightmares I’ve had in years. Night after night. Looking like sleep will require doctor intervention (if I want to have any).