Confessions in the Time of Fiery Hot Hades-Like End of Summer Blow-Out Kill-Me-Now Weather:

I don’t think all kids are adorable. Often I see kids and am like “I SEE you kid, I SEE what you did just there that your parent didn’t see” and they look at me and I look at them and we declare silent war. *

I think lots of babies look like constipated bitter old men from outer space.

I’m a terrible human being in general, but I freely give monies to homeless people when I have it to give and I don’t care if they spend it on crack (seriously, homeless people cannot afford to buy crack, folks) or 40 ouncers of beer and I think poorly of people who judge homeless people (or any people) for spending their last dollar on vice. When you have nothing, you need something to soften the knife-sharp edges of your reality.

I want to run away from home this week.

My boobs aren’t the same size.

I can’t grow a beard.

When I hear men discussing the fuckability of women I instantly know their true make and say a silent prayer that their dicks shrivel up and their balls be smashed by bricks. Here’s the real truth, the fuckability of men goes instantly down when they reveal that they look at women from a fuckability stand-point.

I’m still shocked by the misogynistic things I hear men say who are supposedly not misogynists. The jokes men make about women in which women are the butt, the comments on how women should or shouldn’t act, the offhand remarks about sluts coming from men who will fuck anything they can cram their penis into – I find it scary and it’s the reason I largely distrust men.

The above confession is much darker than it sounds and I hate that I feel this way because I do know quite a few really awesome men who are genuinely not assholes or misogynists. But the scary encounters I’ve had with men in my life are so many that I can’t shake the feeling that the majority of men are untrustworthy and dangerous.

To go along with the above confession I will add this: I have always said I don’t know how to flirt. This isn’t strictly true. I DO know how to flirt but I never intentionally flirt because many/most men can’t be trusted to understand the difference between flirtation and an invitation to get intimate. I am friendly with men and even just being friendly and chatty is often taken as some kind of invitation to become inappropriate. I feel like it would be much simpler to wear a placard that reads “I’m friendly but I guarantee I have zero interest in having sex with you now or at any time in the future”

If you can’t handle and don’t like being in the “friend zone” with people then I think you pretty much suck because being friends with people is more important than having sex with them. In fact, people who don’t use the term “friend zone” at all are automatically  much sexier than those who do. In addition to this, men who value friendships with women with no possibility or promise of getting sex from them are much more likely to find women who DO want to have sex with them because men without expectations of sex are much more attractive than those who think it’s their god-given right.

I think genitals are ugly.

I’m super envious of people who can draw well. This includes many of my family members and friends. Sigh.

Seeing *people* get up in the morning and drink coffee without brushing their teeth first grosses me out so much I can barely form thoughts or sentences around said *people*.

Micro-managing the manner in which people support you, uphold your rights, love you, help you, or value you you is nitpicking and ungenerous of spirit.

I’m so tired of all the political and social conversations going on in the world right now. All of them feel sick and bitter and petty – no matter whose side you’re on or how you identify yourself or your beliefs, I see so few people out there being the kind of people I admire. I find myself retreating deeper and deeper into myself because the pain of the world is pretty intolerable.

Along those same lines – holding one person’s or people’s pain and suffering above another’s is wrong and pitifully small-minded and small-hearted. Putting a value on suffering like it’s a commodity is sick and I refuse to be party to it in any way. I don’t give a fuck what your gender is, what your race is, what your nationality is, what your sexual orientation is, or what your religion is: all humans know suffering and no human’s suffering is more noble or more commendable or more pitiable or more worthy than any other human’s suffering. If you are engaged in a contest of suffering or if you ever say to another person “you can never know what I’ve been through” or “you can never imagine what suffering I’ve experienced” then you are belittling other humans and that is never okay with me. Fuck off.

 

*This isn’t strictly true, it’s only sometimes true. There was one kid in particular who was evil-incarnate (saw her throw books at her toddler-brother’s head, for one tiny example) and she knew I saw her do all the things she did while her doting mother declared her the most perfect child in the fucking universe and I was like “Yeah, the Universe of HELL-CHILDREN!” and anyway that mother ended up trying to shame me silent about being mentally ill so she can continue to fuck herself forever.