I got Max back on health insurance (effective Jan. 1, 2012).
I got Max back to the Psychologist and on anti-anxiety meds.
I got Max into a new school.
I still have my job.
We got approved for the HAMP trial period.
Quit regular Kung Fu classes and started taking forms.
Got to go to Blogher 2011.
Max had the worst year ever in school until he was transferred.
Max started self harming. All dreams of his mental issues being minor are over forever.
Had to start him on anxiety meds. (You observe how this is both on the bad and the good list?)
There is no change in our income but growing pressures upon it.
I was depressed most of the year. I refuse to up my meds for fear of them adding to the Paxil weight.
My anxiety has also been through the roof all year.
I never have enough time alone.
I have not found enough self discipline in myself to over-ride the anxiety and depression to do the things I must do to lose more weight. Consequently, still hate my body and it becomes a vicious cycle in which the hate I feel for my body depresses me and makes me even more prone to doing the very things that make it worse.
Really lonely. I assuage the loneliness to a certain degree with my online life but it is a mere band-aid. Constantly feeling isolated. My personality exaggerates this feeling.
The absolute certainty that I must get Max on ADD meds if I want him to not only survive the next few years without becoming a drug addict, but if I want him to grow and learn in school.
Constant nagging feeling that I have cancer in my body. The physical hell I’ve been in for years increases my unease. If I have cancer, I will have to let it do its thing. Can’t afford to be sick like that.
Self loathing stronger than it’s been in years.
Asking for too much in-put on my writing from non-writers resulting in writing paralysis.
Sleep as bad as when I was a teen. Bad sleep all year. With and without beer. Regardless of how tired I am, how late or early I go to bed. With it the worst run of nightmares I’ve had in years. Night after night. Looking like sleep will require doctor intervention (if I want to have any).