Blog Advice: Don’t set your blog to automatically play music when people open it up.

When you open up a blog and music automatically starts playing it’s like when you click on a link you think is taking you to cute pictures of puppies but instead your screen fills with hard porn and you can’t find the “close window” box and your kid is sitting next to you and is turning his innocent 3 year old head and with eyes wide asks “Mama… what are those people doing?”

The music you listen to is extremely personal.  Like sex.  Or perfume.

Here’s another scenario: let’s say you opened up someone’s blog (because it looked interesting) and as it loads up your computer suddenly mists you with Paris Hilton’s perfume, (which smells like old civet pee), and you can’t get the smell out of your nose or your hair or skin.  The blogger who orchestrated this quaint little piece of mischief probably wears Paris Hilton’s perfume because it takes them to a happy place and they really truly want to take you there with them and they assume that their happy place is the same as everyone’s.  It never occurred to them that such a scent might make you want to get a whole body skin graft just to get the foul scent off.

I love music and I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t.  I don’t care what kind of music moves you, if you love music then we have some common ground.  Music is one of those primal arts that has been moving humans for thousands of years.

Unfortunately it’s also very emotional and personal and what makes me really happy might upset or horrify you.   This is why I would NEVER set my blog up to play the music I love automatically.  If you open up my blog, you’re essentially letting me into your life, into your living room or office, and you deserve to be treated with auditory respect.

So do I.  So does everyone.

Kenny G doesn’t take me to a happy place.  Neither does Yanni*.  In fact, Yanni makes me want to do violent things to floaty-type people who wear rainbow shoelaces and speak in gentle voices.  Someone automatically cranking up Yanni on their blog may inadvertently be responsible for crimes being committed.

If I was to play automatic music on my blog it would almost certainly be a bagpipe version of “Amazing Grace” or an accordion playing a chirpy polka.  But my favorite kind of music of all are dirges and I would love to make you listen to a bagpipe dirge!  But I wouldn’t do that to you.  Because I like you.

Recap of advice: setting up your blog to automatically play music when someone opens it is as rude as spraying a stranger with civet pee.  Don’t do it.

So how can you share your love of music with people who have come to experience your world and your happy places without being rude?  You can have a soundtrack in your sidebar that has to be manually turned on by readers.  It’s that simple.  Invite people to explore the music that makes you happy, don’t force them.

And if you absolutely insist on accosting people with your favorite tune from a Broadway production of “Annie”, for god’s sake- put it where it’s easily found so I can turn it the fuck off!

*Opening this link will, I think, prove the whole point of this post.  Go ahead, experience the irony and the anger.  As much as I dislike Kenny G music, I have to hand it to him, his blog is much more polite than Yanni’s.