If you ever said or thought for a second that I’m a vain individual you better TAKE IT BACK RIGHT NOW. My God! The errant brow hairs, the eye bag, the eye veins!
#20 Reason not to drink: whiter whites of your eyes
#20 reason not to drink is brought to us today by Stephanie Douglass who says that not drinking alcohol will make the whites of your eyes whiter. So I took a really up-close picture of my eye to see if it’s true. It’s hard to tell because the lighting isn’t so great right now and I had to brighten it in photoshop. The white parts might be whiter? But damn, not drinking sure doesn’t get rid of those veins in the whites that look like tiny red rivers on a map. Stephanie has some other reasons not to drink that I will share later this week. Have you ever noticed that when you don’t drink the whites of your eyes get whiter? Please share your observations here.
#21 Reason not to Drink: beverage variety
I love that there are about a billion different alcoholic beverages one can drink. I love how much variety there is in the beverage world. Just don’t visit that variety shit on me when I’m not expecting it, like Monday through Sunday. I drink beer. When I can’t afford good beer I drink cheap wine. Then every once in a blue moon I’ll knock back a couple of gins and tonics. That’s it. I like that there’s variety available for OTHER PEOPLE, just not me. So based on the concept that things you’re forced to endure that you don’t like build character (or really potent phobias and aversions) – this is an opportunity to suffer for the good of my character. And boy is my character getting MUSCULAR. Last night I had a glass of mineral water with Angostura bitters. It was okay. Then, just before I went back to drinking decaf PG Tips which is my new evening beverage that I don’t ever want to deviate from, I tried a drink Philip made that our friend Chelsea told us about: ginger ale with bitters and lime. It was better than the mineral water with bitters. Now I can’t find decaf PG Tips around here. I went through a whole box of the stuff in three weeks after having had the box for two years. So tonight I’m trying out another Chelsea recommendation: decaf Typhoo. CAN YOU SEE MY CHARACTER BUSTING OUT OF ITS TOO-SMALL CLOTHES?!