90 Reasons not to Drink for 90 Days: #14

my old view

An old view.  An old life.

#14 Reason not to Drink: Because this is the point where I usually give up

Two weeks of making major efforts, cutting serious calories out, being pretty damn healthy, and I don’t look even a tiny different and, honestly, don’t feel at all different either.  In the past this is the point where I give up because I get depressed that making big changes to my comfort doesn’t translate into clear changes in my body.  But this time I’m not giving up.  Today I choose not to drink again, in spite of the fact that I don’t feel any healthier or look any healthier, because I’m not going by the old script.

Just a few minutes ago I was thinking about getting some cleaning done and how good beer will taste when I’m done – and then experienced that horrid deflation on realizing that there wasn’t anything festive to drink as reward.  Our ginger beer is almost done but honestly will never compare to alcoholic beverages.

In spite of feeling a little low again about having one of my favorite things out of my life, I will not give up.

*****

It’s the official two week mark.  Has it really only been two weeks?  Today it feels like forever.  Maybe tomorrow it will feel like time is just flying by.  I don’t know.  I’m feeling pretty lethargic.  I have done nothing this weekend, gotten nothing accomplished.  Today all I want to do is watch Poirot and bide my time until it’s tomorrow or the next day or the next.  So, clearly not feeling very sparky or purposeful.  I think I can call today a success if all I do is get the Christmas tree down.  And, in an effort to not feel completely useless I will do that right now.  Hope you all are having a more happy and useful weekend.

4 comments

  1. NM says:

    There are days when it feels like every single thing I do requires enormous effort, even if it would normally be minor. Not fun. Sorry you are stuck in the blahs. Sometimes I can talk myself out of them again; sometimes not. But hey, you’re here! Two weeks ago you were groaning at the thought of having to start; now you’re two weeks through this giant slough! And starting to lose sight of land, and thinking — Whose damn idea was this again? And why did that unnamed person fail to mention the incredibly annoying mosquitos?? — But realistically, it is surely a bit early to be expecting changes; you’re still in the one-more-damn-step stage. And yay you! for taking that one more damn step, and then another. You are awesome, and you will power your way through, and eventually, there Will be helpful changes. Also, reason 14 1/2; your approach has just been validated.

  2. nadine says:

    Excellent on doing something different and not giving up at this point when you usually do. My experience yesterday reinforced my lack of desire to drink! I felt like crap last night and I still do today. Uck.

  3. angelina says:

    Nicole – I love that my approach has been validated! Yeah, just got to keep slogging through. It might be a slow slog the entire 3 months. I might never get to the stage where it feels awesome and the days go by and I’m energized. But I will get through it and it IS very good for me.

    Nadine – I can’t let myself even break for a day because I will NOT discover that drinking doesn’t feel good to me. I know it in my bones. But I’m glad that for you it has given you fresh motivation to continue on in your goals.

    Tash – 3 days of not drinking is pretty damn great! Maybe it would work for you to just aim for not drinking on weekdays? Have you already tried that? If you have and it didn’t work for you – then ignore that comment. Keep at it! Every day you are able to say “I’m not going to drink today” and you don’t drink is another day you have followed through with your intention and it lends credibility to your own sense of strength and this will help you believe in yourself when it comes to accomplishing other things that are important to you. I find that this is a powerful tool and one of the most important things this period of sobriety is giving back to me.

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