13 Things I’ve Learned in the Last Month

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13 Things I’ve learned in the last month:

  •  My son has flat feet and is therefore not eligible to join the army.  I am now wondering if the army’s standards for enrollment are less strict than the public school’s standards for participation in PE?  He also has loose ligaments.  These two facts explain all his NOT FAKE foot pain and a couple of mean-ass PE teachers can go fuck themselves for calling my kid a liar.
  • The only people who refer to free* healthcare as “handouts” have never had to navigate the intricate, torturous, devious, paperwork nightmare that is Medicare.  People with Medicare and Medical work very hard to get every little scrap of coverage they have.
  • California weather hasn’t changed that much in the years I was gone.  It’s still pretty much in the 80’s 10 months out of the year.
  • Diesel fuel KILLS non-diesel engines STAT.
  • Raw gingerbread dough is toxic to my dog.
  • Max feels he isn’t living with the standards his name suggests he’s entitled to.  When he discovered that we don’t own a single solid silver spoon in the house he exclaimed “My god, we live like peasants!”
  • Care for wounds that have no skin layer left is more complicated than caring for wounds that still have some layers to work with.  I have some new tricks up my sleeve.
  • Money will NEVER be more important to me than my family and their welfare is.  When it comes down to it – I will share whatever I have with the people I love if they need it and I have it to share.  (Technically I already knew this, but circumstances brought fresh opportunity to evaluate my conscience and my heart on this matter)
  • The most I will pay for an avocado is $1.39 each.  I really desperately want to  buy some avocados but the only ones under $1.49 are as small as a single bull testicle and I just can’t do it.
  • I find it irritatingly inconvenient when my Vespa is out of commission.
  • The knuckle I cut this summer is permanently the size of a hazelnut.  If the swelling hasn’t gone down in 2.5 months, it never will.
  • The Walking Dead season 3 is much better than season 2.
  • I can’t live without home canned jalapenos.

 

*Medicare is not actually free – my mom pays a monthly fee out of her measly not-enough-to-live-on social security checks.  But people still see the greatly reduced rates of Medicare and Medical as handouts.  Well, assholes do.

 

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