Socks aren’t sexy. They can sometimes be pretty, cute, sporty, sad, rustic, happy, rugged, or even versatile.
But they are NEVER sexy.
So when you’re undressing for a romp, I suggest that the first thing you remove is your socks. Always. (You should do this anyway, even if you’re just undressing for bed, with no prospect of a romp.) Because even for those of you who are sex-gods: you are NOT sexy in your socks.
Should you ever find yourself completely naked except for your socks, you should book yourself an appointment with your therapist immediately (and book one for your partner too, because after seeing you like that they may have a very hard time getting in the mood again for a long time).
I’m going to give a little piece of extra sock advice: white tube socks are the most hideously unsexy socks on the planet. You shouldn’t even own any. But if you are so misguided as to wear white tube socks: take them off the second you wish to appear attractive and sexy to another human being!
Just in case you asked:
What’s so bad about white tube socks? They sag. They bag. They are always dingy after the first wear. They’re white for god’s sake! They’re uninspired. Not designed for feet. Instantly bring to mind: stinky bachelors in airless apartments that smell like dirty laundry, old pizza crusts under the bed, Budweiser beer cans in the sink, and tighty whities.
Final word: SEX AND SOCKS DON’T MIX*
*Unless you happen to have a sock fetish. You might want to make sure your partner is also a sock fetishist.
Hah! I briefly dated a guy years ago who always kept his socks on….it was not a big turn-on, I have to admit.
Ah, so nice to have you back. Like a breath of fresh air to my mind.
I think naked except for socks looks silly. teehee.
So pleased to see you back blogging. So thinner, fitter, gun wielding chutney maker I hope life has been more good than bad these last few months and look forward to reading your thought provoking posts.
After 23 years of marriage if it’s a really cold night my husband will have to put up with me wearing my woolly socks in bed, turn off or not.
I suppose when you really really love a person you don’t care. But I’m the kind of person who would always say “socks off!”.
Thank you Ann!! The first time I had to face this whole issue was with the movie with Tom Cruise dancing around in his shirt, underwear, and socks. It was so wrong it made my teeth hurt. That really cemented my feelings on the matter.
Hi Jo!!!! thank you so much for coming by the new blog! Oh my god- 23 years already? I seem to remember reading about your 20th and being so impressed and happy for you! Okay, now about the socks- are you saying you’ll wear your woolies but not pyjamas? See, I can understand wearing wooly socks when it’s really cold but not if you’re then going to sleep (or not) naked. It’s socks with nothing else that is so wrong.
No socks with PJs! No point having warm feet and a freezing bum.
My ex girlfriend loved my long white soccer socks with black stripes ;-).
And it looks damed hot :>
It would make a stronger argument for white soccer socks if she wasn’t your EX-girlfriend.
I run in white tube socks and shorts. It’s more comfortable in cold weather. Sometimes I was being called gay or lauthed at but i don’t care.
That seems like a reasonable reason to wear them. I can’t understand why anyone would consider that “gay” or loathe you for it. But do not take me too seriously. I wrote this tongue-in-cheek. While I stand by my opinion that they are the least sexy socks on the planet – that’s just my opinion and I know and like many men who wear them so it doesn’t actually change my opinion of anyone. Power to you!